UGH. This is exhausting.
I just want to think about you right now. Not this whole crazy idea of marriage or possibilities or struggles or lies or trickery. My heart feels so unstable already. Part of me says not ready for real life still.
…kinda like when you stopped using crutches, right? Your muscles had already been trained to lean into something else, and you felt like you couldn’t stand? Cass, you can stand. You have it in you. It’s just going to take time before you’re ready to handle a lot again. You aren’t there yet. You don’t have the strength, the stamina, the development, or the healing necessary for prolonged periods of any of this. One day. And one day you’ll be incredible at helping others, helping them know their limits, helping them grow, and helping them help themselves.
Don’t take your eyes off this process. It will be so easy to, but you have to remember the risk you run when you stop caring about where you’re at. You run the risk of going backwards, of needing healing all over again because your process went uncared for. This season will mean a lot of “boundary finding”–a lot of testing and evaluating and honesty and humility and seeing limitations….don’t be afraid to fully live in this season. But you can’t live stretched out. Live right where you are, pushing as few boundaries as possible, becoming strong in what you do know. You’ll find your limitations soon enough.
Don’t resent this season. Don’t resent your limitations. Trust the limitations I see in you. Trust that I’m protecting you from what you don’t need.
You don’t need to be distracted. You don’t need extra things bringing in division. You need to keep your eyes fixed on me. You need your heart invested in me, focusing on what I’m doing, focused on my heart, consumed with my immediate plans for you.
I am what your heart is aching for, Cass. I am exactly that which will satisfy your thirst. Those pangs you few are withdrawals of me. Please don’t think finding attention in a secret friendship slash budding romance will quiet that cry in your heart. It will feel like it for a minute, like an ibuprofen for a headache. But once your substitute runs out, the hurt returns.
I know you’re so used to using these kinds of meds for your heart–defaulting to what makes sense to you when things get hard–but I’m telling you: you weren’t created to be on supplements. You were made to be satisfied completely and consistently.
Let me continue to show you what that look like. Remove anything and everything that will block your view of my heart for you. Don’t hesitate to put something down if it means a chance I chase after me.
In wanting me, you will find your desire for any of these men (and the attention they give you) begin to dwindle. You’ll see it for what it is: a cheap substitute for my plentitude.
You are what I’m after. I have incredible things in store for you. Don’t get desperate while waiting for my promises.
MyExposedHeart 